The Bible is Perfect

People who don’t eat broccoli are sinners and will go to Hell. Fortunately, if they eat broccoli on the last day of their life, they will be saved. If you don’t believe me, look it up in the Bible.
The 41st president of the United States didn’t eat broccoli. He hated broccoli, in fact. There is still time for his redemption but the frightening thing is that by not eating broccoli while he was president we actually had a disciple of Satan running the most powerful nation on earth for four years. We should have read the Bible more carefully before voting.
You say you can’t find anything about broccoli in the Bible? You just aren’t looking hard enough because you can find anything you want to believe in the Bible. First, you have to believe it to be so then you look until you find what you were looking for. Tell a Jehovah’s Witness the next time one knocks on your door that Jesus and all the people who had a hand in writing the Bible thought the world was flat and they will turn to a passage in the Bible that proves to them that you are wrong, that Jesus did know the earth was round and that it was not the center of the universe. I made up the broccoli part but the Jehovah’s Witness part is true.
Wouldn’t life be interesting if everything were as open to interpretation as the Bible? Imagine: speed limit 50 unless you want to go faster or throw an apple into the air and it doesn’t come down if you don’t want it to.
Not only is the Bible not the word of God, it is so inconsistent it would drive any editor nuts; but for a believer it is perfect.

I am the greatest

This is very important. I have found the truth and I will reveal it soon to the world. You who read this simple little blog will be the first to know what it is and my true identity. I use a pen name now because my real name is probably known to you. The most important thing I want to impart to you today is that when I reveal myself and the truth, you must follow me without question. You must have no other god. You must respect me and love me above all others. There will be little time when I reveal myself so be sure to keep my name on your lips and my goodness in your heart.
OK folks, how did that first paragraph strike you? If you liked it, then you are all set for Armageddon. It’ll be coming along soon as you probably already realize though the bad news is that it won’t come in your lifetime. If you think I’m an arrogant jerk and that you wouldn’t follow me across the street, then I agree with you. I wouldn’t follow that jerk either. If you also happen to believe in the God of the Bible, the God who sent down the Ten Commandments, you ought to take another look at the first three commandments (Exodus 20:3-7) because that God and the person depicted in the first paragraph are peas in a pod.
Actually the God Moses quoted is worse than my fake god. He said “I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me.” Man, that’s harsh! If you so much as take his name in vain he will punish your children, your grandchildren and your great grandchildren. If that is the God you want to worship, good luck to you and to your children. If that is your God, you are probably already screwed. What are the odds that your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather never took the Lord’s name in vain?
There are many good thoughts in the Bible like not stealing and not killing (Commandments 6 & 8) and just because that ancient God is a jerk doesn’t mean one should abandon one’s religion. Most Jews, Christians and Muslims hold in their hearts a loving God. No reason to abandon that God but those who want to take the Bible as God’s word, should start using their mind. If you believe in a God as your creator, the one who gave you life, then use that life, the senses and mind that were given. You know that Satan did not, could not, give you life but that Satan could give you ideas passed on through others; others just like those who wrote the Bible, and those who perpetrate the nonsense Sunday after Sunday.